Conviction of the Heart

Commitment. Faith. Stickability. Persistence. Tenacity. All characteristics of one with conviction of the heart.

Webster defines conviction as ‘a firmly held belief’. Equivalently this could be called a firmly held belief of the heart.

As I sit in a cozy Jewish bakery that dubs as my office cafe Sunday through Friday, closed on Saturdays -- I pause and wonder what are the beliefs of my heart. And more importantly have I held true to them.

The past 6.5 years have been nothing short of a roller coaster for me. Similar to the Six Flags Scream Machine back in the day. Remember that? It started off with a steep long slow ride up, that was gut wrenching on it’s own then it dove you down and then one loop (upside down), second loop (upside down), it may have even went backwards. In its hay day it was quite the innovation in the world of roller coasters.

I digress.

As I look at the source of the ‘Scream Machine’ so to speak. It’s slightly possible that it may be me. Who would’ve thought? That I might be at the center of my own storm. It’s for sure someone else’s fault or some odd struck of luck. One would like to believe. But nonetheless - I was forced to come to turns - a few weeks earlier - sitting on the ‘fire stoop’ of my Brooklyn Brownstone apt. Yes, firestoop because the Westchester kid in me was still learning all the city lingo and at times got them mixed up. A story for another day.

Anywho, back to this day, what are the beliefs of your heart Tiffany? And more importantly where were the transgressions that led you here.

You see the night before, a friend of mine was reminding me that when you know what you want focus only on that. Everything else is a distraction.

She ain’t never lie.

You see the convictions of your heart is where the blueprint lies. And if you for some reason stray from them and go off script - it can’t feel crazy. I mean we’ve all done it at least once and there’s no right or wrong - it just has impact.

For me personally, when I was in my 20s my convictions were strong. I was so clear about everything I saw and desired - I spoke it as it was so. It was the kind of confidence that came from never having failed. Thus it wasn’t quite cultivated - I coasted through my 20s like all was good.

Then 30 hit and - bam. Failure, failure, or and another one. There were definitely some big wins interspersed in there but where I never before doubted my judgement I began to. Sucks, right?!

I know.

Anyway - I began to question my own conviction. As one can imagine along with left confidence, certainty, and clarity and along entered self-doubt, indecisiveness, and mess-making. Right?! Crazy.

Anywho - I was forced to revisit the beliefs of my heart. I am clear it will take some time to do this inventory and here is my initial list.

1. I believe in the power of love.
2. I believe in the power of forgiveness.
3. I believe in the power of my nephew’s smile to heal the world
4. I believe that a morning workout (even if only 20 minutes) followed by meditation can save the planet one soul at a time
5. I believe in the goodness of humanity even when it isn’t always apparent.
6. I believe in giving it all you got, the first time and every time.
7. I believe in speaking my truth - whatever that is in the moment.
8. I believe business is about connecting with people and allowing a healthy energy exchange to unfold
9. I believe sex is magickal
10. I believe in a mother’s love. My mother specifically.
11. I believe in the protective nature of a father - even if it feels decades late.
12. I believe that everyone gets to go -- and now live it in practice
13. I believe that the universe provides
14. I believe that life does not have to be hard and the dark night of the soul feels dark, hard, and long af
15. I believe the other side of the dark night is pretty dope
16. I believe that life has cycles and rhythms and if or when you find yours everything seems to flow until it doesn’t and you get to find it again
17. I believe siblings are God’s greatest gifts
18. I believe girlfriends are angels in the flesh
19. I believe in Grace
20. I believe that it’s easier to say how you feel than diverting it - even it may not always feel like that in the moment
21. I believe with conviction of the heart anything is possible