Angry Love

 

There is this recently growing wave of, 'go through the bad days to get to the golden'. It is increasingly present with the OTR II tour and The Everything is Love album.

They're not islands in the conversation of course but has spawned a wave of macro and micro conversations around relationships and what it takes.

I don’t believe that it has to be bad first or that love has to be earned by putting up with years of abuse and infidelity. At all. I for one, have been one of the ones to throw the towel at the earliest signs of, let’s call it ‘noise’

On that note -- I’m coming on this new experience where I choose to love someone, choose to stay in communication and choose to move past the anger. It looks different ways, it could be a text, a phone call, or a visit - a choice to continue to nurture the relationship in the presence of hurt. Being disappointed. Feeling unloved, rejected, and unrequited in many ways.

I call it angry love. Because there is this tug in my heart that happens, as I move through it. The tug feels like anger, it’s a feeling that used to have me want to push away, pull back, let go (out of anger not from a place of peace) - it was a choice from fear not love. I was avoiding pain and disappointment and not seeking bliss.

This is a very interesting distinction because - before - I think avoiding pain was my way of seeking bliss. However, it doesn’t always work that way -- if ever. Sometimes bliss is on the other side of what I identified as pain. This is why I call it Angry Love.

Because it doesn’t feel like I thought love should always feel. It doesn’t immediately feel blissful - in the superficial ways, I thought love could be experienced. It’s not the convenient bliss - I was sold somewhere along a Disney movie and a fairytale.  

However, it is a deeper bliss. A more real bliss. A commitment to bliss. A conviction of the heart. Choosing a person - good or bad, pretty or ugly, all of them. Absolutely all of them - unconditional love.

Here’s the thing about unconditional love. It requires an unconditional love of self first. Otherwise, unconditional love can be masked as co-dependency, self-abuse, giving away of power. Unconditional love requires knowledge of self in order to not get lost in it.

And let’s be honest, there’s still the possibility of getting lost of it all. Which is why love, including self-love, is a verb, a habit, a way of life that requires consistent nurturing.

Learning to love through the anger...

This is not necessarily a sequential process - it often shows up in our lives through becoming a mother or father, a twin flame, maybe even a pursuing a mission or purpose in life. The Hero’s Journey.

Along this journey, the source initially seems outside of you, then the awareness that it comes from within sprouts, and over time the journey reveals unequivocal knowing that is lies within.

Almost always out of necessity.

Our soul calls forth the experience to cultivate that which already lies within. That bridge from there to here can feel like a mother f***er.

This is the bridge that entrepreneurs, married couples, and maybe even new parents talk about when they say, ‘it isn’t easy’ or ‘it’s not for the faint at heart’.

Take deep breaths and love unconditionally -- through the anger, frustration, and difficult moments.

The bridge will be as short or as long as you need. It all depends on your willingness to...love unconditionally. And just like forgiveness, all love is self-love.

Angry Love.